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✴ i'm so excited for this! i only read one other book by dostoevsky: white nights. i devoured it in one sitting and it was so fun, depressing, uplifting and profound, all at the same time! i know this one is also very short and poingnant, so my expectations are quite high

i read this book in little chunks, on the bus to class mainly. it is always a different experience when you are able to consume a story all at once or little by little, and i think this specific factor was a major thing in my reading of this book. i got the proper time and space in my head to digest and think about all the constructs, the characteristics of the world and its philosophical implications and discussions (even if even at this point where i finished the book almost a week ago i'm still puzzled at many things about the story).

for me, additionaly, it was one of my first sci-fi readings. i am very interested in the genre, but never really picked a book up. maybe i was a little intimidated. and i don't know if the left hand of darkness was in fact a good place to start my sci-fi reading journey, but i can't tell i regret it. in fact, i loved every second of it.

this world is developed with amazing care by the author, with its twisted conceptions of gender, territory, nationalism and the passing of time. and all of it is clashing directly not only with the perceptions of the world of Genry Ai, one of the protagonists, but with the reader's as well. i was fascinated with it all from the beginning, and the slow pace on the first half of the story was very fitting to acommodate the reader and let all of the characters and important factors of the world sink in.

i was expecting a book more open and grand, about peoples, nations, planets, big actions and big consequences. i received all of this, in small parts, but also received a character study, two characters studies in fact, a close relationship study, the interconnections of the alien and the familiar, the gender and the non-gender, of the time-passing and the everlasting darkness, the everlasting light. the second half of the story surprised me with that, when things started to get faster, more close and personal. Genry and Estraven's relationship was an absolute highlight, even when i was rooting for something that ended up no happening (and i rarely root for this kind of relationship to flourish, for platonic love in stories has a special place in my heart). nonetheless, i was very satisfied with how it ended. not exactly happy about it, because the ending is truly heartbreaking, but i think that there was no other way to finish this story with the perfect impact it had on me.

it was in fact a very different book than i was expecting, and i'm not mad about it. putting aside some minor pacing issues, the build up was perfect, and le guin's writing is absurd, marvelous with the effect it brings to the text. at the same time it distances us it also brings us closer, making the reader stretch and contract like a rubber band ready to snap, as one with the book's moments and movements. among all the recording transcripts, legends and diaries, I thought her style fit perfectly with the tone, the discussions and messages she brings to the table. there was no better way to tell the story than with the exact quirks and turns that le guin uses with such skill. i adored it.

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✴ march 22th on 100%: finished it while in a 3 hour traffic hell in my São Paulo trip, and it was definitely An Experience. The bus AC was so cold i felt really immersed in the planet Winter! but man, the ending of this book hurts so much. i was in shock at first, but then came to the conclusion it couldn't end any other way. Le Guin really knew what she was doing in this, oh my god

✴ march 18th on 30%: i'm really liking it so far! the worldbuilding is an absolute highlight for me, with all the different terms and concepts like kemmering and shifgrethor. also, i really appreciate when an author doesn't underestimate their readers by overexplaining everything; one of my favorite things in a fantasy or sci-fi novel is the initial disconfort, when youre not yet quite grasping what is happening but you can already tell you're going to love where the story is going. i'm very excited to continue!

✴ march 20th on 62%: i got so confused with a sequence its actually embarassing... but all is well now. for me, at least, because the story took a downward turn that i didn't expected at all, and i'm gripped, by the throat. i want to throw all my responsabilities out the window and just devour the rest of this book

this book was my last reading of february (really a speed run to behold). i started it while in the middle of a sci-fi young adult series (red rising, for those curious), which might not have been the best idea in the world, but it is what it is. i now can really say that my experience was unique because of that.

i knew close to nothing about the story of giovanni's room; only it was a story about two queer men in paris, and that is all. i was not at all expecting to be hit ten times by a truck while reading it.

even though i'm always looking for stories that touch me in new ways, i thought this one wasn't the case at first. i have nothing in common with either of the main characters, a life entirely different. and still, james baldwin was able to grab me by the heart with his masterful hands and tie it to a knot so tight that i could not even comprehend what had happened. this book resonated with me in ways i could never imagine, really.

this is due, of course, to baldwin's insane writing skills. his characters are human beings in all but flesh and bone, and his paris is alive and almost breathing with movement as well. the little things he does to create his ambience, such as everyone speaking french deliberately or his bars and restaurants with its specifics characteristics and descriptions, helps create a unique and vivid landscape of places, figures, metaphors and characters.

futhermore, i love it when writers are skilled enough to make me root for a questionable character, when it comes to likability. David really is a terrible person in some aspects, and his actions (or lack thereof) often hurt the people around him. and still, with knowing what he tells us, i can't help but like the man. i just wanted him to be happy and free, and this is one of the story's big sorrows: he could never really do it.

and yes, it is very sad. i did not know that when starting the book, so the ending just kind of obliterated me. not to mention that my kindle also pulled a prank on me, telling me i was 95% done when in fact i was in the last chapter (this edition has two articles about baldwin's life at the end, hence the confusion). so i read the last chapter without knowing it was the end of the book, and it was a shock. my brain short-circuited as i was like "no no no no it can't be the ending no no no" so yeah, it hit me hard.

to sum it all up, i loved, five stars, all of that. for me this book is mainly about fear; of being vulnerable, of being perceived as your true self in a not so kind society. is being incapable of loving and receiving love because of this fear. so, if a book about this and also with a load of self-discovery and self-loathing, identity crisis, being queer (at any given moment in time really) and above all else, all the loves that could never came to be, you should absolutely read this book. it is truly amazing.